Nothing.

"the radiant glow of daylight, the redeeming grace, that has long since been waited upon could not be anticipated any longer for when it proclaims that it is tired, it is enough – it has to depart!"

three summers ago i was blinded by a strange sort of idealism. i almost believed that what i have been during high school will be carried on as i step into college. i aimed at this, aspired for that, pondered upon this, try to get that. i dreamt and sought for the best things, knowing that these are not beyond my limits and just within my grasp.

along the way, everything went wrong! i was suddenly awakened from the deep slumber. it all happened so fast, and in a wink of an eye i was lost and nowhere to be found. i fell, broke into pieces… shattered… crushed. all of my fears, worries and anxieties gradually unfolds manifestly and became soaring reality.

eventually i got none – every single thing slips away from my tight grasp, the harder i tighten my grip the more it slithers like a liquid; like a gas. it is totally vague, undecipherable whether or not such mistakes – the causes of my loss, my downfall – were due to my choices, limited capacity and infirmity; the condition around me, the environment i have gotten myself into; a conjunction of both; or something else. three years of acrimony, of regret, and of indignation… and still appears to be counting, accumulating.

the edge is cloudy, gloomy and dark – worse than a stormy sea; turbulent water, un-pacified stream, cloaked and shrouded firmament. horizon remains uncertain directly proportional with surmounting disappointments.

to uncreate the created, to move towards new directions, to discover new routes – these were the only things left in the tiring, interminable soujourn - at the expense of depreciating vigor and vitality, of collapsing interest.

what lies beneath, what lies ahead, what is in the other side remains dim. apparently seems to be unconquerable, invincible to the extent that not even a single reason is sufficient enough to continue… to go on… to move… three years after, the people around have found their selves, located their own spaces start to build their own worlds totally unmindful, not wanting to be disturbed.

three years after, things almost remain as they are, minor adjustment, little achievement, weakening goal, idealism compromised, stationary yet yielding. time comes when the heart gets too weak, too limp and feeble – wanting to cease from its customary function. and when it does, it will just halt – without a sign, a warning beforehand. and when it does, the corporeal body must pass on and never shall come back again.