On Isolation & over a cup of Latté.

satiating the caffeinic craving
penultimately perking the sober mind
next after seemingly endless reading
in deep state of visionary illusions
and disillusions of hypertextual conversations

dreamy, sleepy state of mind
awakened by the busy road
on the other side of the dreary glass windows
solitary ambulation,
paired & group conversations

dreamy, sleepy state of mind
perturbed by unsolicited isolation,
over a cup of frozen latté
deep thoughts, contrasting contemplayions
soaring ideas, creating emotional discomfort
- heightening, rising, towards
an ecstatic state -

dreamy, sleepy state of mind
auditory senses awakened,
by satisfactory emission
of colliding beats & rhythms

(on w.g.f. hegel)
like a moment of fermentation,
the spirit seemingly mellow, yet beffudled
attempting to transcend its previous form
to take a new one

a new form is preparing itself,
left behind are dissolved & collapsed
-conception, and misconceptions
representation, and misrepresentations
linking the world together-

lost in the midst of eternity.

Distraction Sunday.

sunday is not just usually a mere lazy, unproductive day. it also enduces me to seat on a couch, or elsewhere and simply watch tv. it is like an indulgence. i really couldn't get a grip of my time during sunday afternoons, especially from the moment when the light and dark collapse.

some tv programs really do rob my attention. it rather points out to saying that yeah, i am a kapamilya. and there is just something with abs's shows that caught me grounded. pinoy big brother. star in a million. both caught me fixated, immobile the whole evening that i wasn't able to finish some stuffs for school.

bottomline, i come to a realization that abs-cbn really does reflect filipino culture more than any other tv networks do.

Inebriated.

I aimlessly wonder if we're meant to be.
Speculating if it will be you and me,
I constantly yearn for your presence.

I lack the guts to tell
nor the strength to admit.
I fear of the unintended consequences
of the intended revelations.

But most, I am afraid
to deny that I am falling
or that i have already fallen.
It pains me that I cannot have you,
in as much as I encumber this load.

Maybe it is not the right time.
Maybe we have separate goals.
Maybe we're driven to achieve those goals.
Maybe it is better this way.
That we stay as we are.
Neither friends nor whatever.

Maybe it is not the right time.-
But it kept on perturbing me,
once in evey moment I am out of my world.
Time suddenly collapses,
space and eternity synthesize,
antithesis to the real and extant.
That maybe it is not the right time.

It is inebriating,
and totally perplexing.
mental confusion,
and emotional paranoia.
Seems like heaven,
fused with hell,
the feeling of wanting
and not wanting:

To be with You.

On the verge of collapse.

Differences, disparities do exists. These are inevitable substances of life. Some times these may bring people together, some times these might drift them apart. It remains, ultimately relative.

The survival of any relationships, friendship in particular, rests upon the manner as to how differences are compromised and worked out. But more than this, what really assumes vital, dominant position are the likely similarities. These are the substances that connects one from the other. Albeit, almost always the point of convergence, it is not however at all times domineering.

Issues of differences will come one at a time as time passes by. What seemed to be not problematic at first suddenly becomes an enigma, disturbing all concerned, brought largely by individual experiences outside the borders that defines the group. It becomes more problematic when by-passed, undiscerned and deliberately not discussed.

On the other hand, when projected towards the most likely scenario that will happen, it creates a confusion on whether such relevant, divisive issues should be discussed. If and when the end will neither be good nor desirable, what is the point of putting the issues above each other? Could it be that it is better, as argued once, that there are things better left unsaid especially if it is to create a larger havoc, if it is to destroy the relationship rather than fix the issues, and if it is to leave the people hurt?

Whatever it is that will happen, though, it is important that issues are made clear, and compromise are tried to be reached upon, rather than totally being passive and indifferent. Whether or not the relationship will continue, what is important is that there comes a point, a juncture by which all concerned are given the opportunity to voice out what is deemed to be said, and to let other feel the overpowering emotion of the moment.

It is true that people will come and go into every one's life. There might be times when one feels accountable to the other, and vice-versa, but that is because there is a bond that connects them. That bond, is however, weak. It is weak because every one does not hold any one else's life, except his/her own. There will come a time that it has to be torn asunder.

Life is fluid. Life is not-constant. The world changes, every one changes. However deep the connection is, however strong the bond has became, when it is time to let go, one has no other choice but to let go.

Letting go is not an act of weakness if it points to the failure to exhaust all opportunities and means to bring things back to how it used to be, and put the pieces back together. It never will be. Letting go, in fact, is a sign of strength. It is strength because one learns how to set others free even if it will hurt, even if it will break that one apart.

The only reason why people tends to hold on is that they are afraid to lose other people, because they think they need them. Once in their lives they have became too much dependent on other people that such convention has risen up. But in fact, they can live without them. People can survive, and go on with their lives without clinging to a past, that hurts so bad.

It is a matter of strength. It is a matter of will. It is relative.

Bitag.

"Sometimes it is better that words are left unsaid, that questions are left unanswered. I learned that in life, the more you try to seek for answers, the more answers become elusive and remains beyond one's grasp. Questions and inquiries never really direct towards gratifying, satiable answers. More often than not, these answers are superficial and mediocre; and what lies beneath are more questions, more inquiries. Indeed, a mere question leads to a vicious circle of infinite, unfathomable relevant questions."

nagkita na naman tayo.
wala ito sa plano ko.
sabihin mang inasam ko rin ito.
marahil napa-aga ang lahat.
hindi pa panahon para makita kang muli.

nakakatuwa.
mas nadama ko na malapit ka.
pwede pala kitang makilala.
makilala kita - ikaw bilang ikaw.
ng walang pagkukunwari, walang pag-aalinlangan.
hindi kung sino ka sa paningin ng iba.

nakakalungkot.
may mga bagay na hindi pwedeng pag-usapan.
dapat palampasin, dapat itatwa.

siguro may gusto akong mangyari.
alam ko naman hindi pwede.
maliit ang posibilidad, walang pagkakataon.

subalit ang malaman na nariyan ka.
na pwede pala kitang makasama.
na pwede pala kitang makilala.
na pwede pala kitang masandalan.
sapat na.
salamat.

isip ang sandata ko.
alam ko na may limitasyon.
natatanaw ko ang hangganan.
napupuna ko ang dapat.

walang pag-aalinlangan.
hindi ako mahuhulog sa bitag.
hindi ako matitinag.
hinid ako patitinag.

Disillusioned.

formidable years of entrenched paranoia
in quest for emancipation
from the cauldron of conventional ennui
shifting promises, fluid convictions

dark, adamant past haunting
deepest longings, inner desires
usurped substantially from within
amassed into a cumulative knoll

perturbed by the social backdrop
society’s dictation of what to and not to
befuddled between conformity and non-conformity
mind beseeching, intellect prying

in search for the meaning
to undrape truth, far more elusive
dreamy, unpredictable juncture
body in confusion, mental disillusion