Summer (un)Special

Reverberating Vigor
I have not been writing for quite some time now, and I can sense my neurons are not functional anymore nor even a little less of creativity remains. Two reasons are the culprit, one I have been dormant, again, and two my seven year old pc bid me farewell. Bottom line is, now, there are so many things I want to write and talk about, from anything to everything, considering I have not been very vocal about these things, not even to one. At the nucleus of each brain cells, thus, is a deep inner desire to create a piece of a chronological back-track.

Ranting(s)
My life, since I enter college was a mess. It is how to put something that almost never esteemed. Despite of all the efforts done to revive myself and put things into proper perspective, achieving the desires I have, the goals I set seems almost always elusive juxtaposed with so much contradictions and complexities beyond my grasp. In me I see a picture of an ordinary adolescent, who tries to figure out the meaning of things, to comprehend the impasse and unearth each gist, and to make sense of his world.

Never did I expect that things will become much worse this summer. This summer’s a tragedy. Or to put it in a better (or worse) term a total tragedy. Against odds, I tried to gain my posture back. It never paid off well. Mine was a constant cumulative succession of tragedies and frustrations. A reason I keep to myself is accountable for it, which until now I am trying to fight – like a malignant illness, usurping gradually my vigor and strength – my being. I failed to cope with it, much more accept it. But I am not quite sure if I am really sturdy enough to tolerate it. I grow almost always impatient, as I always am.

I know, years counting from now I will always go back to this point in my life with regret and remorse for I have not capably and productively handled each situation; I succumbed feebly to the inauspicious circumstances overlooking my very own strengths and potentials.

In Mitch Albom’s the five people you meet in heaven, a character named The Blue Man avers “THERE ARE FIVE PEOPLE you meet in heaven. Each of us was in your life for a reason. You may not have known the reason at the time, and that is what heaven is for. For understanding your life on earth.”

If the concept of heaven is real, I am overzealous to get there and find out why I lived and what I lived for.

Not Just Animosity Though
If there were instances during this long summer-break worth to be etched in for a lifetime, it would have to be my holy-week trip at Mindoro, the first few weeks of the internship program (OJT), and the SOCC leadership-training seminar at Batangas.

Vacation starts with a three-day break at Pola, Mindoro, Lucky’s hometown. It was quite remarkable because went there totally un-planned. The decision was something spontaneous. He asked me if I wanted to go with him, I said yes and presto we found ourselves cruising our way to Batangas port. In less than three hours, we are at the port waiting for the vessel to arrive. Funny thing is it is my first time to ride in a vessel, and we ride in a cheapest mode of transportation there is. It is a little less fine though since I got a chance to see and observe people. I might not be very good at mingling with people but having to observe them, and the mobility inside is something amazing.

We arrived there at the wee hours of the morning and Lucky’s folks were caught surprised. That same day we went to the beach, played badminton, watched moriones and visited the newly constructed port. The next day we played badminton, spent time at the town’s fitness gym, and went to the local church. On the third and last day, we toured over the town and went to the beach. Of course not to out-mention there were a lot of foods and ghost-stories. Atop all, riding on a high-speed motorboat and cruising over the mangroves was, by far, the most exciting part.

The internship program was something I cannot be proud of but thankful though, in a sense that I really do not have to exert much effort. Not that I do not want to but it is just that I was facing a very hard time during the summer. The thing is that the OJT required a little less of time since it was really project-based. We are required to produce an output on the educational needs assessment of Taguig & Pateros; a paper on youth development; bills for military benefits, which was eventually dropped; and a survey on the functions of a congressman and performance rating of Rep. Cayetano. Along which, we were required to attend committee hearings.

I spent most of my time with Lucky and Joc fooling around. Our work is eighty percent fun and twenty percent sincerity. Partly, I am accountable in the sense that I deliberately allowed such to happen because I was really not interested anymore. I have this sudden, unpredictable mood swings. At times I am overly excited, and after a while I could be very lazy. I made it clear. But they chose to stay with me.

At the end of the day, I find myself dissatisfied with work. But who could blame me? I am disillusioned. And I am blessed, the work is light and it doesn’t require me to get exposed throughout the day.

Finally, the SOCC Leadership-Training Seminar was something I will treasure. I wasn’t supposed to be the representative because I have plans to quit even though I was enlisted. I insist on Cory or Joyce or any officer for that matter. But all were a failure. So I was the one who attend. And I am glad I did.

The experience was all worth it because it was fun. I found new friends from different colleges and they were all great. At the end I realized, I should have been active long before. I should have attended the previous SOCCs, I might have been better. I remember the old days. And I will try to live out of it, because if there is one thing I learned it is living with the memories of the past is almost living a life of regrets and should have been-might be better now. The thing is seize the most, if not all opportunities that comes along the way. It takes quite an amount but building one’s world starts with it.