"The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking God during a trial, trusting him completely when tempted, surredering while suffering, and loving him when he seems distant."
First, I believed in God. I choose to take my chance on waging for him. Then, slowly he is revealing my purpose: that is, to live my life for Him, according to his will, not mine. Afterwhich, he told me that I was planned for his pleasure and upon my recognition and acceptance, worship and develop friendship with him. At glance, that seemed logically easy. But when interjected with my own circumstances and my own plans, dreams and desires, an inevitable conflict ensues at large especially because those things tell me otherwise. I can choose to follow my own will, especially that he doesn't instantaneously reveal his particular plans for me. And I would always be left wanting, trying to decipher that and looking for signs. But of course, he would always tell me, the path towards him is and will never be easy. For I am required to undergo a series of challenges and an altitude of tasks. What's worst is at that point where I will have to be so down, he would seem to make me feel that he is at a distant, far away from me and just merely peeking on what I am doing. Of course, I would be deeply hurt, perhaps severely scarred that I may eventually turn my back against him. And just when I do so, He would be glad enough to insist, "It is not I who turn my back against you, my child. It was you who did that. I was just here and always am here for you." I would go back to Him, regretfully accept defeat and try to win Him back. I would successfully do so because of His love. But with it comes the realization that He didn't really leave me, he was just true to his nature as a liberal and democratic God, who has left me to my own devices and see how skillful I am in using those to turn despondent moments into the best ones. And true to his words from the beginning of time, he never left, abandoned nor forsaken me. He was with me all the time, and it was I who did not see Him and it was I, left with the faculty of choosing, who chose not to be with him because of my petty insecurities. This shall have to be my story. And most perhaps, if not everyone else's.
It was a test of faith.
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