Inspired by the bestselling Purpose Driven Live
Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is meaningless
-Bertrand Russel, atheist
It's not about me. It's about God. It's about living my life according to what He wants it to be. And I surrender to His larger, cosmic purpose.
For the past years, I have been looking, searching for the reasons why I exist? what is my purpose here? Logic tells me to defy a Higher Being that guides the objects in the universe because I believe in human capacity and free will. Predetermined by a God, man is reduced into a mere mechanical object, destined to surrender on the whims and caprices of a mighty Being. Thus, becoming homo ex machina.
And my efforts to search for the truth, for the supremacy of man were all futile. Reasons were all empty. It was like satiating an abyss, discovering the undiscoverable. Empty. Meaningless. It led me to defy things just for the mere sake of defying them. It encouraged me to take up on a stand to prove that I've got power over my will and to show that I don't bend. For me it's character. And character assassination it has often become.
When I question and doubt almost everything, I doubt more than I believe, leaving each bits and pieces of questions unanswered. And all I entangled myself with is a complex web of unending deceptions. A vicious cycle of making myself believe that I am getting the most out of it. Truth is, I never did.
Reason does not suffice another. It never ends. The only thing I got is a diversion away from the main question without knowing why and how.
Understanding the world, understanding reality, and understanding my circumstances were all focused on one single thing: me, myself and I. Alone. It was a centering principle projected on the “I”. Why me? Why am I here? Why these situations? Why not another circumstance? It was about forming the “I” based on what it perceived as shallow, mindless truths. It was about capturing the “I” in a selfish, conceited way.
Circumstances led me to de-center the “I”. To look for things beyond the center is to see the world in a bigger picture. To sensitize with the surrounding planes and images is to deconstruct the “I”. There, I immediately recognized that I am part of a social reality and a parcel of a cosmic one. De-centering the I also led me to accept the underlying truth that I am inherently weak and imperfect; that I cannot grasp and understand the world much as I want to. And there I began to see things I did not see before. I believed. I took chances on having faith.
And it was real. It was not about me. It was about Him.
--
“i was fuckin so crazy about him and i can't explain it
we were together for a about a year but he likes to got to the club
and i realized it’s not what i want
i just wanna be with somebody who just only wants to be with me
we don’t need to see other people
i just wanna be with somebody whom i can talk with and tell things i never told anybody”
-heard it from somewhere I couldn’t remember. last line’s a complete jitter.
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