I am happy. Heck, No! I am elated.

Since yesterday after I left home to do errands for my mom, I couldn't contain the joy that has overrode my senses. Prior to that, I have been sulking at my misfortunes, thinking deeply. Never did I imagine, even once, that I will experience them. Good thing this moment of gloom turned into a moment of bliss. And there are quite a number of reasons for this.

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The first one is a realization that my tendency to problematize problems and mope over life's seemingly unending miseries made me overlooked the bright things in life. I was too fixated contemplating on what I do not have that I totally forgot those that I have. Maybe because of discontent. Maybe because I believe I deserve something more. Now, I have dug a hole that says, "looking on the bright side doesn't mean evading the not-so bright side, it simply means counting those blessings, those simple fortunes that elicit hope, inspiration and joy." After all, life is a juxtaposition of opposites, I have to see both sides and have to choose that side which is bearable, un-hurting, and detoxifying (read: de-stressing).

So I made a random list of those blessing I have right now:
1. My parents. I have my dad who has been sacrificing a lot and my mom who's sick but is fighting and now recovering.
2. BBear who is constantly keeping me company, sharing a lot of things and seeing me grow into the person I can become.
3. My college pals who constantly stick with me and remind me that they're there for me. I sms-ed them two nights ago and I was amazed at the responses. It was overwhelming that they care.
4. My pals and acquaintances at the ministry who were very accommodating and unquestioning. They were very good at inspiring me to revive my spiritual life.

Surprisingly, the list made me realize another thing: that I have been investing on people and on building relationships. I think this is crucial because once I made a very good and stable foundation, I know they would stay with me for the rest of my life. Only I have to sustain them.

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Another reason happened last night, during the midweek service in the ministry, where I was asked by a pastor to share a testimony of faith. I knew it was coming. He was looking at the crowd and was trying to catch my eyes. I was evading at first. Talk about timidity. But he couldn't help it. And when I finally looked at him, he called for my name. And left with no choice, I stood up, proceeded before the crowd and marked a career in public speaking.

The audience was few, mostly youth. They sang before me a "happy birthday" thingy before I was able to share a testimony of faith. Of course, it was about my mom. I told them she was hospitalized for three weeks and how I personally took care of her for two weeks, tending her needs. I shared how difficult and unbearable the situation could have been: mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically even. Yet, I surrendered everything to Him, let His will take its course, did my share-that which is within my capacity, and took a leap of faith. Fortunately, with His grace, she is now recovering and we were able to pass a phase of this challenge as a family.

The experience is so exhilarating that I wasn't able to contain myself and sms-ed my pals back in Palawan. I got the same responses from virtually all. They were saying they were proud of me: the chief pastor and his wife, my colleague at work and the youth I served.

And knowing that these people care and that they count everyone accepted made me feel at home. More so, they are speaking without speaking that He is real, creatively working things out for His children. I guess, I have hit two birds with one stone at this. Not only did I find a place where I can belong, I also found Him in the midst of my adversities.

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When people at church that were already close to me and the not-so started to and kept on greeting me happy birthday, it reverberated on my ears and struck me, it was really my birthday. And there is no better way to celebrate it than accepting my life, that I am living, and now, living with the One. When I accepted that I am human, weak and frailty, and that I cannot have a full grasp of the inquiries I have because someOne is already and has been doing it for me, truly, it made things less burdensome. The revival of my spirituality coinciding with my birthday speaks of a living proof that I am making the right choice: that is, the path towards spiritual recovery.

Coincidentally, two church people gave me the same message. It says: "For I know that plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Now, I can't wait to have those plans laid down. I can't just while my time away. I knew I have to act as well because faith without action is futile.

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Oh by the way, while I was trying to capture my sleep, a lot of people sms-ed me, greeting me a happy birthday. Most of them were from the list I just made. Of course, I expect some other close friends to greet me, but I wouldn't mind if they don't. I really don't believe in birthdays based on ageing after all. Not that I am afraid to add a year on my socially constructed years of living here on earth. It's just that I find it perverted when people base their capacity to do and achieve things on age.