Divine Sweets

I am seated at one of the local cafes here in Puerto Princesa, the newly emergent better choice of the only two cafes, so far. I am here to finish up my exams due this week until the end of October. I am little pissed off at myself because I can't muster the tenacity to seat down like this and do what I am supposed to do-the very thing where I get paid. Honestly, I have back logged for almost a week by now. I am a week late of the mastery exam, and two days, and counting, of the periodic exam. On top of this I still have to consolidate my class records. By consolidate, I meant, filling up the sheet with the names of my students and their grades. Other than the grade sheet, I also have to finish up a little research work I was tasked to do as per my research assistant assignment to the recently hired school consultant. It was a laying the foundation kind of thing. From the time, Ms Consultant left, the only thing I have done is to do the reading. Argh! Meaning, I still have to work on consolidating the materials and putting everything on paper... within... Guess what? 24 Hours.

I admit I was a little lax the past days, weeks... Err, over a month by now since the convergence. And correction it's not little. I am geared up for a heavy, hefty coping. Well, I would be proud to enumerate a multiple number of reasons that has accounted for this laxity cum inefficiency hovering over my psycho-disturbed thinking. Mind you, the reasons are valid as that of entering inside the classroom usually unprepared, relying heavily on the wisdom of the Spirit. Lucky Me!

Just this morning, I had consumed my time assuming the role of an adviser slash concerned citizen of the nation. I made a little lecture of what awaits them after High School. And clear as the sunny skies this morning, I told them they might end up as call center agents or worst, a bunch Japayukis or a wife of a foreigner striding along the streets of Puerto Princesa, or security guards and house maids. This happened to some of my grade school classmates. Oh God! It could very much happen to them considering the current rate of unemployment and underemployment in the country, which could, in a logical projection manifested in the present political status quo, go on for another couple of years. I also emphasized to these kids how important their preparation for college is. If they really want to go somewhere else, now is the most opportune of time. I tell you, I took the extra mile consuming my time to stress out something of major importance -- to say the most how the rest of the class is hindering the other half to attain where they are supposed to be right now--soaring and knowing more than what they have right now. A little selfish, or more so devilish, but point of the matter is, they have to help each other out because they are so behind compared with the rest of the world. In this Information Age, it is really a crime not to know!

From backlogs to lectures, I admit it... bottom line is I might be a little frustrated of what's going on right now. I am pissed off at myself for being so dense and fragile. Or perhaps from the little to zero output that I have since I accepted this thing because of trying to embrace the concept of Hell, err, teaching I mean. Funny thing is when I embraced this job because it is the supposedly only way for me to survive here, I ended up not doing the thing I was supposed to do that it slipped of my hand and now is assigned to somebody else. Oh where will I situate myself now? I have been directed into a line that is oh so verdant in the coming years but is oh so annoying at this moment.

But i think, the more relevant question will be--WHAT'S THE F*CKING WRONG WITH ME! Can anyone out there tell me, please?