I am so used to doing different things before. One good thing about stopping for a while and reliving some moments is that you get to compare what you were before and what you have become. I guess, that's basically the essence of introspection. What Socrates called self-evaluation is a much needed thing that everyone has to at least do once in a while.
Funny, since the time I got down from the plane last Saturday for a week-long break, all I did was to take time to check on myself. It might crossed your mind, "it's about me again." Ahem! Not for some narcissistic reasons but heck, don't I deserve to slow down and think about myself just for once? It's not everyday that I get to assess where I am and what am doing. Though it's pretty much obvious here since almost 90% of this blogger is about eternal, cyclical rantings.
Perhaps lately, I have so ranted about a number of things. I don't have any defense because it's one of the few things that I either just got used to doing or simply love. Of course, whether you like reading about my rantings or not is irrelevant. Just like you, I somewhat disgust myself for failing to overcome this side of me. You see it's a good thing that I don't get to blog often, at least, I also don't rant that much. chuckle. chuckle.
Hahahaha ranting (while looking at some ehem!). Before I went home, Joyce and I met at Coffee Bean. It was actually a quick decision after we just saw each other online. She asked me to go out. And since I was pretty bored because I was alone in the house (thanked God I didn't falter to the flesh's utmost desire!), I put on a shirt and trousers then went off.
Point being is that in moments like this that I am very much ALONE traveling, I am not quite used to, yet. I mean these are moments that I get to think more about myself and reflect, then rant. In fact, I despise being alone while in a crowd. Perhaps I just view the world as a stage where I perform. And with the stage fright that I have... Imagine how hard it is for me to mingle with the rest of the world.
The moment I stepped down from the FX, I immediately went off to browse some books over Fully Booked's shelves. I had to wait for Joyce, who came in shortly after. Woah! When I saw her, it seemed she got smaller, which of course I immediately withdrew from commenting. Until she herself blurted "you seemed to have grown taller". With utter disbelief, I replied, "oh come on! you seemed to have vertically shrunk." (Not the actual words of course). We laughed then went to have our coffee.
Alright. Alright. I know I am going somewhere else. I just had an impulse to write down what really transpired that day as some sort of a record. The bottom line really is that our conversation is reduced to a not-so-unfamiliar world of ranting: our pan-idealism against the unforgivable reality, our theoretical foundations versus hard-core science, and our past lives (not to mention how we come to embrace the destinies that await us. The last part, I quite got some goose bumps.
So here, about ranting! (finally. my apology) I just have two points.
First, ranting makes you look at the world negatively, perceived reality as something incoherent with your own perception of things. In a way, it is very much subjective. It is very much like when I get to touch on subjects like frustrations and depressions. I pour out my thoughts as it would rain cats and dogs. Most of them substantial, but totally unaware, it's often my narrow-minded outlook.
The Oxford Dictionaries define rant as to speak or shout at length in a wild, impassioned way. The word traces its origin from the Dutch ranten, referring to 'nonsense talk, rave'. To rant is also synonymous with the verbs vociferate, pontificate, and bellow among others.
To prove point 1, I'd explore on the words impassioned and pontificate. Most bloggers, I observed makes ranting a habit in their own spaces. It's about their own reflection on basically everything under the sun. Sometimes, well-written reflections, but more often a piece of wordplay throwing childish tantrums pointed toward almost all existing societal institutions.
Here, let me inject properly the word "impassion." Passion, more often, is always associated with the term emotion. Out of passion, comes out mostly from experiences, especially those undesirable ones which have evoked some very strong emotional response to the person involved. A clear example would be the time I blogged about how I hate how people have come to tarnished the concept of coffee houses into a gossiping center. For me it's a disgust to the intellectual atmosphere that coffee houses should embody. In one way, I felt that like any other commodity, it was commercialized. And yeah blame it to the workings of the capitalist! This posed a very good example of how I've responded emotional-turned-intellectualized to a stimuli brought about by the recent mushrooming of coffee houses. Impassioned I am to say the words I wasn't even supposed to have blurted out.
Next, pontificate? Oh God! The term actually originated from the Catholic Church. The term meant to express "one's opinions in a way considered annoyingly pompous and dogmatic" (Oxford again). When one rants, especially if directed towards a certain institution or company or a particular person that has caused trouble, irritation, or dissatisfaction, annoyance, and even nuisance, the RANT-er may have the tendency to assume an all-knowing stature, perhaps an omniscient point of view. I must say it is kind of arrogant to have "textual-ized" what one has directly experience in the sense that it is focused entirely on how the rant-er was put into a very much awkward, frustrating or unforgivable situation. It's more of like a payback time, without the actual person or entity involved knowing. (Funny, isn't it?) Oh yeah, pontificate! It is very much like when the the Church assumes the greater role as the sole harbinger of knowledge and wisdom. They tend to say this and that. Until the time came that a man raised a question which almost brought down the whole institution. Bottom line, the ranter becomes the center of the Universe.
Second and last point is that, ranting per se poses an assessment of a problem but NEVER is the solution to that. Perhaps an endless enumeration of ending the enigma may ensue, yet that will only serve as a quick emotional response. It's like when you get to entangle yourself with a heated argument. And with uncontrollable sudden surge of blood in its streams, you become flared up and enunciate a litany of sort. What better way to define ranting, thus, but a self-expression derived from a strong emotional outburst.
And as we ended up our conversation. I got the chance to situate in a broader spectrum the issue on ranting. Perhaps, it's a great great tool for evaluation that furthers situate the ranter to look inwardly at the same time outwardly, since he or she may be directly involved or attached to whatever he or she rants about. I, for so long has been ranting about my sense of purpose, my own emancipation, my definition, and my own viewpoint of reality. At one point, I processed everything to my mind up until I was unconsciously building up my own identity. I grasped what I want and what I don't want. And I've known myself better based from how I acted or reacted upon any situation. So, as pessimist as this whole thing may sound about ranting, I can say it helped me somehow...
I am just at a breaking point, where I seen a crises of sort--the crises to have some balls to ACT and stop WHINING like a kid!
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