Sloth in me.

The sloth in me flows over my veins today, again, and it’s giving me mental paranoia paralyzing my whole system and disabling me to think clearly and act decisively. Considering our loads aren’t heavy as that of the other section, I should have done all readings and papers by now. But heck, I barely start any.

Consistency, sticking to whatever I do, is something I scarcely develop over the past years. I am fickle-minded and my attention span is below zero degrees. I have imbibed within me the habit of suspending things though I know I can do it by the time I think of it. True, it seems I am more inclined to make grandiose thinking than acting, of theory rather than praxis. I have mastered the art of procrastination and cramming.

And this worried me so.

First, I have been bothered by my performance in school lately. It seems to be somewhat deteriorating and worsening. In the past written exams I barely had a grade higher than ninety. This is not because I haven’t study but because I didn’t study well. I admit it I am terribly worried about getting low grades and not making it to the dean’s list next semester. Why? This is the only achievement I’ve got and proud of.

Second, if I cannot get rid of this and discipline myself right now, what am I in the next five-to-ten years? What I am today will have a great impact on the person I am to be. Whatever it is that I learn to make a habit right now will be something hard to unlearn in the future. Until I am imprisoned within this indolence I am never gonna make it far. Until this sloth flows throughout my veins, I am never gonna hit the mark.

I have been acting strange, trying to do my best, wanting to do good but mother-luck seems not to be on my side, or just so I thought. Who needs luck anyway? Prelims over, I am ought to pick up the shattered pieces of my goals, plans and dreams. I’ll make it sure this time the sloth in me will never flow over my veins again.